


If you can't handle the answer, then don't ask the question

by Bored94



Series: Joi ga joy [6]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Curiosity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, Questions, Yorozuya Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 15:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bored94/pseuds/Bored94
Summary: Since he has found out that Gintoki was the Shiroyasha, Shinpachi has been curious to know more. And so has Kagura.The two teenagers decide to show their admiration and ask the questions they had always wanted to ask... but they didn't know what expected them at the end of the road.
Series: Joi ga joy [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181342
Kudos: 25





	If you can't handle the answer, then don't ask the question

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Non fare domande se non sei pronto per la risposta](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/778272) by Bored94. 



_Sometimes, the worst thing that can happen to questions is the answer._

_\- Romain Gary_

«What are you two up to? You've been staring at me all morning, what's wrong with you?»

Shinpachi and Kagura exchanged an intimidated look, then the boy stepped forward. «We’d just... we would like to know something about the war, Gin-san.»

The samurai was surprised. «About the war?»

«Yes, you know… I know you were one of the Four Heavenly Kings. My father talked about you when I was little, I heard the stories and I wondered if... if you could tell us something more since you are the Shiroyasha» he answered, turning red.

Kagura shrugged. «I know little or nothing about that period, but I heard that you, the one-eyed guy, the noisy one and the bomber were famous» Kagura's uninterested tone would have been far more believable had she not continued to glance at him furtively.

«But if you don't want to, it doesn't matter,» Shinpachi added quickly. «You don't have to.»

Gin was silent for a few seconds: their curiosity was palpable, who knows how long they had been thinking of asking him and looking for the courage to do so. He tried not to laugh as he watched them get more and more nervous with each passing second.

«That's all?» he finally asked. «Did you just want some war stories?» He looked around the room, his back leaning against the back of the chair, and stroked his chin with his fingers, pretending to be thinking. «I didn't think you were interested in this kind of things, but I guess I could tell you about it if you want.»

The two kids instantly dropped the mask of feigned indifference and embarrassment and rushed towards him. Gin saw them leaning towards him, against the desk, and this time he couldn't help but laugh, a little pleased by the enthusiasm on their faces.

«All right, all right! Let's see…» he began to recount some of the most famous battles he had taken part in, while Shinpachi and Kagura hung on his every word. He didn't know how long he went on talking, but those two seemed to absorb everything he said like two sponges.

«And those three?» the yato girl asked suddenly. «How did you meet them?»

«Kagura-chan!» the boy with the glasses hissed, he was terribly torn: on one hand he wanted to learn more and Kagura's question was an excellent opportunity; on the other, he suspected that the relationship between Gintoki and his ex-comrades was much more complex than he was showing and Shinpachi didn't know if they should insist.

«Oh come on, Shinpachi, you too want to know what they were like when they were young!»

_What do you mean ‘when they were young’?_ Gintoki thought, annoyed _._

«But you can't ask like that!»

_Has that stupid little girl just called me old?_

«Why? How else should I ask him?»

_Hey and why isn't Shinpachi correcting her? So am I an old man to you? Ungrateful brats..._

«Maybe use a little more tact.»

Gin cleared his throat to get their attention, which seemed to work as they both fell silent.

_Why isn't it always so easy to shut them up?_ «So is that what you want to know?» he said, ruffling his hair with one hand. He put his elbow on the desk and used his hand to support his head. «Well, Zura, Takasugi and I grew up together and had the same teacher. There is not much to say about those two. They attended the military academy, but every now and then they came to Shōka Sonjuku to train... even if Takasugi came mostly to fight with me, he has always been a troublemaker.»

_You’re the one to talk_ , Shinpachi thought. It seemed odd to hear Gintoki talk like that about the guy who had tried to kill them, but apparently Shinpachi was right: Gin's relationship with that man was... complicated.

«After a while they left the military academy and joined Shōka Sonjuku.»

«Why?»

«They got into trouble with their classmates and said they didn't feel stimulated enough by the level of the other students,» Gin replied with a shrug. «Then we met Sakamoto during the war, when they sent him to join us with reinforcements.»

«Gin-chan! Tell us some of the things you did together!»

The samurai didn’t speak for a couple of minutes, as if trying to decide what to start from. “One night,» he finally said, «we left the camp trying not to be noticed by the enemy. Our mission was of vital importance and we could not in any way be discovered. We left the camp and tried to stay as much as possible in the shadows and among the trees, so as not to be seen by the sentries. We finally arrived in the city and... we were able to spend our salary on sakè!»

Shinpachi and Kagura looked at him, not really surprised. Both of them had thought it was weird that Gintoki had seemed so willing to tell them about his old friends. «So the enemy and the sentries were your own comrades?»

«Of course, those party poopers didn't want to let us go,» he shook his head with a serious expression.

«You ran off to mind your own business in the middle of a war!»

Gin stuck his finger in his ear. «It was a very important mission. We didn't just get wasted, we had to gather information.»

The kids immediately started to pay attention again.

«We had to ask the girl at the club why she chose Takasugi over me!»

«...a girl from a club?»

«Gin-chan... are you talking about a prostitute?»

Gintoki nodded gravely. «It was a very serious matter, we discussed for a month.»

The kids couldn't believe their ears. «At least... did you at least have an answer?»

«No, she no longer worked there.»

Later, the samurai couldn't say he didn't expect, and deserved, the punch Shinpachi threw him.

***

Shinpachi and Kagura looked at the men in front of them. At that moment it was hard to believe they were living legends, but if they had learned anything from their living with Gintoki, it was that appearances could be deceiving.

«Sakamoto-san... Katsura-san...» the silver-haired samurai glanced quickly at Shinpachi, he knew what was going to happen. He and Kagura had spent the whole day muttering and conspiring and it was since they had all sat down at the table that they continued to look nervous and at unease. The two men turned their attention to the boy with glasses.

«Kagura and I were wondering if... if you could tell us something about the war… when you were fighting together.»

The two looked at each other and then at Gintoki with a questioning expression.

«Go ahead,» he replied casually. «They asked me the same question many times, even if you say no they will insist. This one» he said, pointing to Kagura, «even asked Takasugi questions while she was a prisoner on his ship.»

Katsura and Sakamoto laughed.  « Let's see...» they went silent for a moment, thinking about what to tell the two teens. After a while Zura started.  « It had been a few years since we joined the army and it was the first time in weeks that we were all on the same front. Things were not going well at all: the enemy was in clear numerical superiority and they were blocking the escape routes with a pincer movement. Soon we had no escape option: our men were being killed one after the other and we too had to fight an ever-increasing number of enemies to compensate for the losses. We would never be able to hold for long, retreat was almost impossible, enemies were coming from all sides, and behind us there was only a forest and a frozen lake. The forest was probably already full of enemies waiting for our escape, while the lake... we weren't sure it would hold the weight of all our soldiers. At that point there was only one thing to do» Zura paused with a grave expression as Sakamoto nodded with folded arms. The two teenagers did not make a peep, too caught up in the story. Sakamoto went on.  « Of course... we had to challenge them to an ice skating competition!»

«I still remember Zura and Takasugi's shiny leotards as they vaulted over the ice,» Gintoki added, nodding.

«Investing in those strobe lights was a really good idea,» Sakamoto ended smugly.

Kagura and Shinpachi got up without saying a word and left, leaving alone those three giggling idiots.

«Why so depressed?» Otose asked them seeing them sitting at the counter with discomfort.

«We tried to ask Gin-chan some stories of the Jōi war and about him and his friends, but we got little or nothing. So we asked the terrorist and the noisy man but it was even worse,» the yato girl complained, leaning her head against the counter desperately. Shinpachi just sighed and asked, «Do you know anything about them, Otose-san?»

«Why are you so interested?»

The samurai with glasses shrugged. «I grew up with stories about the Four Heavenly Kings, my father was a samurai. Hearing those stories from them would have been awesome,» he sighed again. «Gin-san told us something, but after a while he started talking a lot of nonsense.»

«Typical,» said the landlady with a smile.

«Otose-san... you don’t know anything? What happened to them? Why don't they want to talk about it?»

The old woman shook her head. «Oh no, kid. If they didn't talk, I won't be the one to do it, I'm sorry.»

***

Shinpachi and Kagura left the room as silently as possible and closed the fusuma behind them. Shortly after Gin had fallen asleep, they had collapsed next to him too. They didn't know how long they had slept, but they had no intention of waking up Gintoki as well. The last fight against the Tendōshū had been grueling for all of them, but it had been particularly difficult to get Katsura, Gintoki and Sakamoto to stop trying to help fix Edo and rest.

Shinpachi could easily imagine what was happening: they were simply trying not to think about the friend and sensei they had lost right after getting them back. He couldn't really judge them for trying to focus on something else.

Sakamoto and Katsura moved right at that moment and began to wake up: the night before they had fallen asleep on the sofas of the Yorozuya, the young man had put a blanket on them and let them rest. With Gintoki it had been more complicated: he seemed not to react to anthing, but in the end they had managed to make him eat something and make him talk. That fool hadn't turned to them as soon as he got back to Edo because he didn't think he had the right to involve them in his suicide mission. As if they weren’t able to understand why he wanted to try to save his sensei even if the risk of another Utsuro was so high. As if Kagura and Shinpachi weren't willing to do the same thing for Gintoki, if they had been in that situation. The boy shook his head and walked over to their guests.

«Good morning, would you like something to eat? Kagura is going to make breakfast,» he asked as his friend headed for the kitchen. The two nodded and he went to help Kagura carry the food to the other room.

«Gintoki?» Sakamoto simply asked when he saw them return.

«He's still sleeping, we thought it best not to wake him up.»

The man nodded as he continued to stir his tea, without even realizing it.  «Le t him rest, what has happened in these days is difficult to accept.»

«We are sorry for your loss,» Shinpachi replied, while Kagura nodded seriously. Zura and Sakamoto gave them a sad smile. «He never answered, did he?» the merchant asked with a sigh.

«Answered?» The red-haired girl gave him a questioning look for a moment. «Oh... you are talking about what happened between you guys at the end of the war, right?»

The other nodded. «That stubborn idiot, it would be much easier for you to understand the situation if he had told you the truth the first time you asked him, years ago,» he said, running a hand through his hair.

«Sakamoto-san... what are you talking about?» Shinpachi felt the curiosity that he had buried for so long emerge again, but this time he couldn't help but feel a tinge of apprehension caused by their guest’s words. Sakamoto shook his head. «Actually... I don't think it would be right for me to tell you, after all it's not really about me...» he replied, throwing an eloquent look at Katsura who sighed.

«I'm not sure we should tell them without him knowing… yet you got caught up in our problems many times now. You have a right to know what happened that day» he was silent for a moment, as to get his thoughts in order. «Gintoki, Takasugi and I were all students of sensei Shōyō at Shōka Sonjuku, we have known each other since we were children. We enlisted because one day the sensei was arrested, the bakufu believed that he was plotting to overthrow the government. We wanted to free him. It took us years to reach a high enough rank to have freedom of movement and get close enough to the enemy. Finally, the day we had waited for so long arrived. We parted ways to attack from three different directions at the same time, but Takasugi and I were captured. Gintoki then left his post and ran to our aid, but he was captured as well. Takasugi and I only found out later. We were tied up and taken to a cliff where Shōyō-sensei was also tied up and on his knees, as if ready for an execution. That was when they brought Gintoki. Unlike us, however, he was free and they had given him a katana» Zura paused, trying to find the courage to continue. Reliving those memories was not pleasant at all, even though so many years had passed. For a moment he met Sakamoto's eyes, his friend smiled gently and nodded. In the meantime, Kagura and Shinpachi were starting to feel uncomfortable, that story was taking a bad turn, worse than they expected. What had they been asking Gintoki to tell them for all those years? «We immediately thought that they wanted to force him to kill sensei or to fight to save us...» the samurai clenched his fists and took a deep breath «instead they asked him to choose. Us or our mentor. He was the one who had to choose whether to save us or the sensei, then he had to kill the other... or the others. In the name of a promise made to Shōyō years before, Gintoki killed our sensei, the man who had raised him since he was eight. After that, we parted ways. Takasugi feeling partly responsible turned his pain into hatred and chose Gintoki as a scapegoat and I... well... I can't say that at the time I didn't get angry with Gintoki myself.»

Shinpachi and Kagura remained completely still and silent. The only thing they could feel at that moment was horror, a horror beyond imagination. It was much worse than they had thought. Exponentially worse. How? How had Gintoki been able to choose and continue to live all those years with such a burden? They had forced him to choose between killing the man who had been his father and the friends with whom he had grown up and fought alongside for years. Shinpachi and Kagura looked at each other in shock, the very idea of having to choose between one of them and their mentor made both of them sick and want to escape.

«So... Gin-chan killed Shōyō and… then fought againts Utsuro? Not only did he kill his sensei once, but also a second time, when that immortal monster appeared, and then saw him die again when he sacrificed himself to save us all?» Kagura asked with dewy eyes. Saying it out loud made it real and even more terrifying. Zura nodded.

«Also... did Gintoki tell you how Takasugi died?» Sakamoto asked.

Shinpachi shook his head. «He said he died against Utsuro.»

«I suppose that's true, but… Takasugi was alive thanks to Oboro's bones and therefore Utsuro's blood. Utsuro had taken possession of his body so to kill him once and for all...»

«I had to kill Takasugi,» Gintoki said flatly, startling everyone.

Kagura and Shinpachi looked at him and for a moment they didn't know what to say. But was there really something to say? Anything that could have made that situation less horrible? They didn't even know if there were the right words to comfort Katsura and Sakamoto, let alone if they had the slightest idea of what to say to Gin after what they heard.

Shinpachi flushed with shame.

«Sorry,» he said in a whisper. Gintoki gave him a puzzled look. «Over the years we… the questions we've asked you… sorry, now we understand why you've always tried to avoid them. We have been insistent and inconsiderate; we have never thought… we’re sorry.»

Kagura nodded. «We should have understood and stopped. Forgive us, Gin-chan.»

Gintoki did not answer. He was not angry with them, in reality he was not angry with anyone. He was just tired, terribly tired. Sakamoto and Zura were right, they had the right to know, but he couldn't look them in the eyes. They were apologizing for pestering him with their questions, but once the sense of guilt would go away what would they think of him? Now that they knew he hadn't been able to protect the people who mattered to him, what would they do? «It doesn't matter, it's not your fault. You can go,» he commented without looking up.

Kagura suddenly hugged him, looking guilty. «Are you really so angry, Gin-chan? Do you really want to send us away?»

«Go? Go where?» Shinpachi asked, confused. He was pretty sure Kagura had misunderstood the meaning of Gintoki’s words. His doubts were confirmed by the sadness and resignation he saw in Gintoki's eyes when the samurai looked at him. Did he really think they cared so little about him? «Gin-san, we're not going to change our mind about you because of this. You didn't do anything wrong. You just protected your friends that day. And I believe that the sensei and Takasugi-san are now at peace, you sorted all out together before their death and Utsuro can no longer harm either of them... so you saved them, right?»

The samurai looked away as Kagura held him even tighter and called him stupid. «I'm sorry, Gin-chan, but we'll stick around for a long time.»

«If you really want to get rid of us so much, you'll have to do way worse, Gin-san,» Shinpachi confirmed trying to play down the situation and putting a hand on Gintoki’s shoulder, while Zura and Sakamoto watched the scene in silence, satisfied.

Gin gave both a faint smile, relieved that they hadn't decided to leave him alone. Maybe they were right after all, it was time to realize it wasn't going to be that easy to lose them.

_Thank you._


End file.
